Not So Famous Last Words

Since I entered my twilight years, one or the other of my children has, periodically, suggested that I should memorialize my last wishes in a written document. This is, presumably, in case they should one day find my carcass in peaceful repose in my recliner, book in my hands and reading glasses perched on my nose. They seem to think they wouldn't know what to do with me at that point.

In the first place, they wouldn't be the ones who found me, having long since committed me to Shady Pines. So, chances are I will be found by an attendant after I have missed a couple of meals, a bingo game and an elder aerobics session.

So, I decided to do as they asked and wrote my last wishes, and saved it to a folder in my computer. I look upon it as my chance to have the last word, something I haven't achieved in life.

Anyhoo, when I got through with it I realized that I had placed myself squarely on the horns of a dilemma. I couldn't "shuffle off this mortal coil" without letting them know I had finally done what they wanted. They might not even look for it, thinking I had never gotten around to writing it.

On the other hand, telling them about it would undoubtedly pique their curiosity, compelling one or both of them to sneak off to my computer to read it. And, that's exactly what happened. When Kelley was home last week, I broke down and told them about it and while they did manage to beat back an urge to race each other to my computer, I have no doubt that they entered into a deal whereby Jay would read it and report to Kelley.

Then, Jay, being unable to keep from commenting, let me know he had read the document, saying, "I guess it wouldn't be a bad idea for me to write something like that, too. Only mine would be funnier."

There goes my chance to have the last word.

Stay tuned.