Friday, August 03, 2007

Paid Advertisements

This blog may be a tad indelicate, today. I'm just telling you. Nothing really raunchy and probably not offensive, but the subject matter could be iffy. That said..........

Do you ever get stuck watching those hour-long paid advertisements on television? There's one that comes on after "The View". It covers different products each day, and I'll never understand how they can find enough to say about them to stretch to an hour. But, I digress.

I usually read while I watch TV, so some days, it takes me a few minutes to pull myself together and realize what I'm tuned into, so it isn't readily apparent to me what is being shown. Do you ever have moments like that? Anyhoo, that is what happened to me this morning.

There were two nerdy looking men sitting in what looked like a den, and it finally dawned on me that they were discussing a product that would clean your insides. And, I don't mean Roto-Rooter. They were apparently in agreement about the need for periodic "cleansing."

As they warmed to their subject, one of the men started enumerating all of the physical signs that will alert you to the fact that you need to be cleansed. All of the signs had to do with , ahem, "elimination". He described in graphic detail the various types, textures, and colors of poop, all of which should set off your internal alarm, and get you out of your recliner and over to Wally World to buy up some of their fantastic product that will set everying to rights in, say, ten days to two weeks.

I finally regained full consciousness and realized what I was watching, and quickly grabbed the remote and switched to CNN.

In retrospect, they might have believed what they were saying because they might have had a mother like mine. I remember that when we were children, my mother and all of my friends' mothers were inordinately preoccupied with our (whisper) bowel movements, or as they said, delicately, b.m.s They were constantly asking us if we had had one that day.

And, I didn't dare whine about feeling bad with a tummy ache or let her find out that I had fever. She'd snap into action, declaring, "Well, all you need is a good cleaning out!" And, in a few minutes, she come to my room with a large, economy sized bottle of Milk of Magnesia in one hand, and a great big spoon in the other. If I resisted her efforts, she would say, "We don't want you to have an impaction, do we?" It didn't know what that was, but it didn't sound like anything good. So, down went the Milk of Mag - two spoonfuls. The stuff tasted awful, but it always did the trick.

Nowadays, it amuses me that with all the medications on the market to cure whatever ails us, before we spend all that money on prescription drugs, why don't we first try a dose of Milk Of Magnesia, or, better yet, a nice, nourishing enema?


Cazzie!!! said...

I could not agree with you more Betty. When I am at work we have prescribed for patients all sorts of apperients to make the bowels function as they should...battling against all the codeine in some of the analgesics etc etc.
Best thing I ever did suggest at any time was pear juice. 100% pear juice, just 1/4 of a cup each morning.

patsy said...

since i had all my surgers on my gut i can tell you there is nothing funny about bowel trouble.

Sister--Three said...

Betty, the sisters were so poor...we liked the milk of magnesia!

Nancy said...


Just wondering......

If 3 out of 4 people SUFFER from constipation, does that mean that one enjoys it?

Jay said...

What a crappy infomercial that was!

I guess it all came out okay though.

John said...

There is plenty of crap on British TV, but I've never seen anyone discussing the 'real thing'.

Queen of Dysfunction said...

Awesome. So... how long were you watching it before you finally realized what was going on?

I do that all the time too. I'll be zoned out in the car listening to the radio and before I know it, half an hour has passed while some washed up child star has been trying to hock me a time share or knife set.

I think television and radio are melting our brains.

Grannymar said...

Oh Betty, I can still taste the thick chalky white liquid and shudder. I preferred Syrup of Figs as a child.

Nowadays Pears are my choice for regularity.

gawilli said...

That's just about as bad as the commercials for erectile dysfunction or herpes medication.

Arkansas Songbird said...

I am so glad I gave up watching TV. I miss some things, but not much!

Peggy said...

You were pulled into the infomercial vortex. I'm glad you got out.

My folks were never ever interested in our bowel movements. I was never asked about frequency, colour or any of those questions, ever. I feel lucky now.

Peggy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
her indoors said...

what a 'crap' subject!
constipated mathamaticians work it out with a pencil!
hope you are enjoying your weekend, sorry must go!

Lena said...

As I have IBS, I've been on various 'medications' over the years, the worst being lactulose and Fybogel. One was similar to mega-sticky honey and gave you wind like a hurricane - the other wallpaper paste that thickened by the second - but that was the doctors' orders!

I'm glad good old MOM is still on the British market as my old dad swore by it. Mind you, I'd not be too keen on the 'other' method but a celebrity is a nobody these days lest they've got someone to stick a hose up their bums once in a while!

Betty said...

cazzie: Pear juice would tast better than anything else.

nancy: Very funny. You never know. There are some strange folks out there.

jay: Ha ha

john: Now you see what happens when I'm desperate for a blog subject.

qofd: Probably about 15 minutes. The droning finally makes me look up.

gawilli: Let's not go there. lol

arkansassongbird: You aren't missing much at all.

peggy: It wasn't easy, but I fought my way out.

her indoors: mathematicians - phew!

lena: Yes, I hear "cleansing" is quite the trendy thing to do these days.

Betty said...

patsy: I'm sure you're right.

sister3: You liked the taste? lol

CarmenSinCity said...

Oh my god - there are so many people right doing that damn "master cleanse" right now. You drink like lemon juice, syrup and cayenne pepper for like 10 days and you lose all this weight and feel so great and it cleanses you! PLEASE PEOPLE!!!!!

I'll stick with food thanks. I'm not interested in cleansing anything. Not if I have to starve or sit on the toilet all day.

Annie said...

Just goes to show, you can sell people all kinds of things for they must be making enough money to keep that infomercial on TV.

Betty said...

carmen: You lose weight? Maybe I'd better rethink the concept.

annie: There's one born every minute.

Tink said...

I'll stick to my daily dose of bran thankyouverymuch. ;)