Friday, July 29, 2011

Irritating Irritants

Phew! I sure will be glad when Fall gets here and things begin to cool off, including little old me.  It seems everything irritates me lately.  I'm blaming the hot weather and not my advanced age.

When I retired, I stopped setting the alarm, except for the days I needed to get up early to go to the lab for blood work or when I wanted to get up early to go to my daughter's house, an eight hour drive. "I'll do whatever I want, whenever I want. No more daily schedules!" I gloated.

After a while, though, I fell into a daily routine of sorts.  Up around 8:30 a.m., coffee and roll, watch Matlock reruns, then the view. Then, I'd read or get on the computer, or even nap a little, keeping the TV on just for the noise. I can do more than one thing at a time. It's called multitasking.  I have skillz.

I usually have H&G or the Food Network on during the day because they don't require half a brain to watch. However, this summer has been a little different. This summer certain people on TV have started driving me crazy (Jay would tell you that it's not a drive, but a short putt.) Their little idiosyncrasies are getting to me, starting with the women on The View. Whoopi is OK, but Joy gets a bit obsessed with news stories like the Casey Anthony trial. At least, she's funny, though. I'm tired of Barbara and her self-promotion and her talking through a pucker.  Elisabeth is just clueless and shrill and needs to learn how to spell her first name. If Sherri (sp?)  doesn't hurry up and get married, I may just scream. Her wedding is shaping up to rival the World's Fair, only tasteless, and we are kept abreast of every tiny detail of this three-ring circus. Note to Sherri: You can CLAIM to be a born-again virgin all you want, but you can't un-ring that bell if you talk from now until doomsday, which you seem to think will occur sometime in 2012.

If I have to watch another greedy couple looking for more house than they can afford on House Hunters, it will be too soon. And, I don't want to hear wifey say, while gazing into a walk-in closet bigger than my whole apartment, "Well, I think it will fit all my stuff, sweetums, but where will you put your clothes?  Yuk, yuk, yuk. And, by the way, your clothes will fit in the closet, the closet will not fit your clothes.

Most of the folks who are getting on my last nerve, though, are on the Food Network, notably Rachael Ray, with her constant references to "E.V.O.O.," "Sammis" and "Stoups." A little bit of Rachael goes a long way with me, as does Guy Fieri. Question: If you took away Guy's red bell peppers, could he cook at all?

Last, and possibly least, there's Paula Deen, Y'awl. Just give her a "spatchler" and some "pap-a-rika and she's ready to cook.  Hey, Paul, it's pronounced "peCANS" not "PEE-cans" and, try to tone down that laugh. If I wanted to watch Hee-Haw, I would.

OK. See what I mean?  It's the heat, I tell you. right after the first cold snap next Fall, Paula will once again be a fun-loving, bawdy Southern gal and Guy will, mercifully,  hit the road. Rachael will be kinda cute, again, maybe.

And, on The View, Sherri will be safely married and looking forward to her next baby and we'll be regaled daily with discussions of her morning sickness and treated to updated ultra-sound photos. Barbara will still be touting her big interview, probably with the Oslo shooter and Elisabeth? Well, she'll still be an idiot.

Until Fall, I'll be here every few days, all hot and bothered about something.

Stay tuned.


Looking to the Stars said...

Ah, girl you gave me a great laugh :)

Love your sense of humor! Try & stay cool. I'm looking forward to fall also :)

Kay Dennison said...

Makes me glad I canceled my cable!

savannah said...

you are a hoot and a half, sugar! but, i do know how you feel. xoxoxox

Margie's Musings said...

The only thing worth watching on TV anymore is PBS.

The rest is junk.

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

that was a hoot!

How you can watch the view is beyond me. I love Whoopi and I can deal with Joy the rest make my head explode and I end up screaming at the damn TV.
I moved to the Talk - much better.

Spot on too on the House Hunters spoiled entitled couples who want everything for nothing. Oh I can't live here there is no granite. Oh please! Like we all had top of the line when we were 25. I just want to smack 'em.....must be the damn heat 'cause being an old broad just can't be it. :-)

Olga said...

I used to love watching HGTV, but now, I feel like you. Who are these people who are entitled to granite, stainless, and walk-ins and life would not be possible otherwise? And even in the fall, Paula will have a voice that reminds me of chalk grating on a chalkboard. I am watching reruns of Mad Men (love the clothes)and nothing else this summer.

patty said...

a friend told me that Satan had called and wants his heat back! We have experienced 1 1/2 weeks of high 90-100 degree temps and the humidity is awful. I love hot weather, sit out on my porch and read, but it's even getting to me

Darlene said...

Since I have never watched any of the shows you mentioned I am unable to comment on them, but you did make me chuckle with your post.

Keep on making us laugh. Like LTTS, I love your sense of humor.

Joy Des Jardins said...

You really are a hoot...and I love it. I don't watch daytime tv, but I have seen some things on the Food Network from time to time. Honestly, I don't think I could stomach much of what goes on on The View....they would drive me crazy....especially Elisabeth. Thanks for the laughs Betty.... ~Joy

Betty said...

All of the above: Well, I'm just so happy that you-all are enjoying my meltdown. It probably won't be the last one, as the forecast is for temps in the 100's most of next week.

NitWit1 said...

All of us under this heat dome feel similarly. I just look at short term forcast for my area. Six out of next ten days above 100 and 96 deg the lowest of the remainng 4 + no rain. Dark thoughts like thunderheads on SUNDAY--that's me.

Even Rapid City SD where we plan to attend a Moroccan Reunion get together(we once lived there) has the same ungodly heat. Hope September brings 'em snow, or at least an ARTIC cool front.