I think I have mentioned before that I watch Judge Judy daily, so I could avoid Oprah, and I have come to several conclusions about her. I still don't understand why anyone would agree to go on her show, unless they are under the delusion that they might be "discovered" and go on to bigger and better reality tv.
At any rate, I now consider myself somewhat of an expert on the good judge, and decided to memorialize, on my blog, my advice to anyone contemplating letting her adjudicate, and syndicate, their petty complaints.
1. She likes animals, especially dogs, more than people.
2. She knows nothing about social media, and she doesn't want to know, but that doesn't slow her down.
3. If you're on welfare, medicaid, unemployment, worker's comp or any other government program that helps people less fortunate than she is, you're toast. Might as well stay home.
4. She has no clue how devastating poverty can be. It is beyond her how anyone can have no bank account, or, even in this economy, how someone can be unable to find a job, any job.
5. If she finds out that you are behind on your child support, and she will ferret it out, no matter if the case only concerns the keying of your car, you lose.
6. Ladies, if you show up in her courtroom in a sun dress, she will make somebody get you a sweater to put on over it. And, guys, please don't wear shorts, even if the temperature is 140 in the shade. And, keep your hands out of your pockets, stand up straight, and don't cross your arms in front of you because she sees that as "attitude".
7. She will correct your grammar and pronunciation, over and over if necessary. And scream at you and call you stupid and worse, and you have to just stand there and take it because, as she will remind you, it's her playpen.
8. Don't bring your spouse in as a witness. She won't believe him/her. Same goes for your best friend, mother, father, sister, brother. You'll just have to rely on the kindness of strangers, who really didn't see what happened, but no matter. She'll take their words for it.
9. Your ass is pretty much grass if you're a man, anyway, although she will rule in favor of a policeman without question.
10. For God's sake don't show up for court drunk or high. And, never admit to having a prescription for medical marijuana; she doesn't believe in pain in the lower classes.
It occurs to me that I have watched her for way too long. I think either Judge Judy or I have "jumped the shark". Maybe I'd better just change the channel to something less aggravating.