Thursday, September 20, 2007

Sorry, Wrong Number

One ringy-dingy,

Me: Hello?
Caller: Betty?

Me: Yes
Caller: This is Doris. How are you?

Me: I'm fine, how are you?
Caller: Oh, about usual. The older I get, though, the more confused I get. (chuckle)

Me: (Chuckling right back) Oh, I'm the same way.
Caller: (Still chuckling) Listen, how's Jaden doing?

Me: Uh, Doris? I think you have the wrong number. I don't know anyone named Jaden.
Caller: Omigosh! Omigosh! Is this (000)000-0000?

Me: Yes, that's my phone number, and my name is Betty, and I have a friend named Doris, but I don't think you're her.
Caller: You're not Betty Smith?

Me: No
Caller: Well, I guess I wrote down the wrong number. Oh, my. Well, I'm really sorry I bothered you. But, it was nice talking to you.

Me: You didn't bother me. I hope you find the number you were looking for. Bye, now.
Caller: Bye. (muttering, "I know I wrote that number down right.......) Click


Like everyone else, I have had my share of crank calls and wrong numbers. There were two doctors in Little Rock named "Parsons" when I was growing up. One was my Dad, John Eugene Parsons, who was a surgeon and then there was Dr. Eugene Parsons who was a psychiatrist.

One ringy-dingy. Two ringy-dingys:

Me: Hello?
Caller: I need to speak to Dr. Parsons.

Me: He isn't here right now.
Caller: I need to speak to him right now.

Me: If you give me your number, I'll have him call you when he gets home.
Caller: Where is he? Why won't he come to the phone?

Me: He isn't here.
Caller: I know he's there. He just doesn't want to talk to me, IS THAT IT?

Me: Um, I think maybe you have the wrong Dr. Parsons.
Caller: CLICK!


Then, once while the kids were still in Jr. High, I got this kind of call:

One ringy-dingy, two ringy-dingys

Me. Hello?
Caller: Heavy breathing. Laughter. More heavy breathing.

Me: Oh, good grief! CLICK!

Another ringy-dingy

Me: Hello?
Caller: I'm comin' over to your houshe. (Heavy breathing.)


Another ringy-dingy

Me: What!
Caller: And, here's what I'm going to do ............ (more heavy breathing)


Jay: Mom, what's going on?
Me: Oh, it's just a crank call. Says he's coming over here, (at this point I start panting, tongue lolling, gasping and heavy breathing). That's all. He's just a crank with a snoot-full.

The phone didn't ring again, and I went back to whatever I was doing. Pretty soon, a truck pulled up in the driveway, and Jay barreled into the room brandishing his BB gun. When he got to the door, the truck was gone. It was just turning around in our driveway.

But, Jay was certainly coming to the rescue. My Hero.


But, here's the one I got most often:

One ringy-dingy. Two ringy-dingys. Three ringy-

Me: (6:a.m.) 'Lo.
Caller: This is Joe Blow. I need three dozen donuts ASAP . I'll be there in 30 minutes.

Me: You have the wrong number.
Caller: This isn't Harold's Bakery?

Me: No, it's not Harold's Bakery.
Caller: OK. Click.

One ringy-dingy.

Me: Hello?
Caller: Harold's Bakery? I need three doz --

Me: No, this is still not Harold's Bakery. Look it up.
Caller: Click

One ringy-dingy.

Me: Harold's Bakery. How can I help yew?
Caller: This is Joe Blow. I need three dozen donuts ASAP. I'll pick them up in about twenty minutes.

Me: OK. They'll be ready.


Kell said...

Boy was he disappointed when he got to the donut shop. That's too funny.

There was another girl with my name when I got to the UofA who was a cheerleader and in a calendar. You can imagine the calls I got.

Grannymar said...

Betty I love the post. It will keep me smiling for the whole evening.

Dogwalkmusings said...

I love the donut story. Gotta remember that one!

qofd said...

You freaking rock. I'd be taking orders like a champ and then let 'em figure it out.

I think it's funny though that someone named Doris would call you and it would take a few minutes to realize that it's not the Doris you were thinking of...

susan said...

Awwww...Jay's such a sweet hero!

I still remember dialing my parents number and letting the girls talk for about ten minutes. Turned out the grandparents they were talking to wasn't really theirs! The couple at the other end sure got a kick out of it though.

Betty said...

kell: There's another Betty Adams in Harrison, and for a long time I got calls from her creditors. They didn't want to believe they had the wrong person.

grannymar: Thanks. Glad you liked it.

dogwalkmusings: I love to mess with peoples' minds. Shame on me.

QofD: I was probably having a senior moment. They happen more and more often.

susan: I'll bet they loved it. How cute.

Peggy said...

Is this the party to whom I am speaking?

I loved the telephone operator that Lily Tomlin played!

patsy said...

we get these alien phone calls in spanish. i keep saying no spanish and they keep talking.

Cazzie!!! said...

Hahaha, omg, too funny :)

her indoors said...

love it love it i say

Annie said...

Greetings to you all the way from Wiscsonsin, Betty. I'm laughing and happy to read your comments about misdirected phone calls and heroic responses by youngsters with BB guns. You certainly stimulated my memory about phone calls. I remember spending three whole years never answering the phone when my daughter was a teenager - the call was always for her or if it was a misdirected one she talked with the caller as happily as if it was someone she knew. Teenagers on phones is a phenomenon all in itself.

Betty said...

peggy: I love Lily Tomlin's humor, too.

patsy: I don't know what to tell you, except to ask them if they have their green card. That ought to shut them up pretty fast.

cazzie and her indoors: Glad you liked it.

annie: Wisconsin! Hope you're having fun.

Sister--Three said...

Our number is like the radio show dial a trade...when someone calls us by mistake my husband pretends to be the dj and takes the order just like on the air! His voice is deep and he sound like an announcer.

The other day someone called and said his cancer had returned. Larry gave his I'm so sorries...not knowing who the old guy was and never letting on that he did not have the right number...or maybe he did. He got a little sympathy and he probably needed it.

DirkStar said...

Is your refrigerator running?

Nancy said...

Can you picture this?

Himself and I are lying in bed and the phone rings. He picks it up and the guy on the other end is spouting a lot of obscenities.

He hands the phone to me and says "It's for you,dear."

Betty said...

sister3: Did he ever tell the guy he had the wrong number?

Dirk: Yes, but I don't have Prince Albert in a can.

nancy: That's a good one.

Tink said...

That's awful!

And awfully funny. ;)

I love that Jay went charging out with a BB gun. *Snort*

gawilli said...

Yep, I can see Jay charging out with the BB gun, too. What a brave soul!

Our phone number is one digit off from the Christian Bible Book Store. I started keeping their number on a card by the phone. It was much easier than getting the same darn call a second time.

Betty said...

tink: Well, after all, he was the "man of the house", and he took it seriously.

gawilli: Oh, I knew the number for the Bakery, it was just so early, I couldn't remember it. I guess I should have kept it handy, but I didn't. Besides, it was more fun the way I did it.

Arkansas Songbird said...