Thursday, June 28, 2007

Sure, I'll Do That

To everything, there is a season. But, the season for volunteerism is year round. In my case, however, the word is not so much "volunteer" as "conscription". For years, when my children were small, I was roped into working for every cause that came down the pike.

"Betty, I know you don't like to solicit funds, but will you stuff envelopes for the Heart Fund?" "Sure, I'll do that."

"Betty, we worked well together for the Heart Fund, how about making a few phone calls for the Cancer Society?" "Sure, I'll do that."

"Betty, will you help us pick up items for our annual white elephant sale?" "Sure, I'll do that."

"Betty, will you make a dessert for the Tasting Tea?"" "Sure, I'll do that."

"Betty, will you type solicitation letters to the business leaders here in town?" "Sure, I'll do that."

"Betty, will you introduce Chester Mushmouth, our candidate for the State Legislature, at the local rally?" " Er, ah, well, sure, I'll do that."

Then, I went to work, and thought my volunteering days were, mercifully, over. I felt pretty smug about it, too, until my new boss got a telephone call one day, "Roger, will you be the Manufacturing Chairman for our United Way campaign this year?" "Sure, I'll do that", he said, followed quickly with "Betty, will you type up a letter to all the manufacturing managers, telling them that I'll be calling on them for donations?" "Sure, Roger, I'll do that."

A few days later, "Betty, will you call all the manufacturing managers and tell them that their donations should be sent to me in two weeks". "Um, ok, Roger."

Later, "Betty, I guess we'd better call the managers and ask where their donations are." "By 'we' I guess you mean 'me,'" said under my breath - way under. "Sure, Roger, I'll do that." Out loud.

"Hi, Leslie, this is Betty. Sorry to bother you again, but, Roger asked me to call and see if there's any problem with the donations." She said, "Well, I have just been so busy and, you know, my boss just dumped this in my lap a couple of days ago, so I'll need some more time." "Ok, Leslie I can relate to that for sure. How about another week?"

"Leslie, this is that old pest, Betty, again. (chuckle) Roger is getting antsy for your United Way donations. Somebody must be leaning on him about it. " She whined, "I just have so much to do over here that there isn't time to get everything done. I don't know why my boss asked me to do this. He must think I don'[t have anything else to do, etc., etc., etc, blah, blah, blah." "Ok, Leslie, don't worry. I really do understand. You're not the only one I'm having to call. Hehe. How about 5 more days?"

"Betty, didn't I aske you to get in touch with all the managers and light a fire under them for their donations?" "Yes, you did, Roger, but they all gave the project to their assistants, so I'm having to get in touch with them, and they all seem to be out of the office when I call, lately."

"Leslie, this is Betty. When you get this message, please call me. Roger is really pressuring me to get those donations turned in. I need your help on this."

"Dear Leslie, you didn't think I had your e-mail address, did you? Hahahah. Anyway, things are getting pretty desperate over here, so, if I don't hear from you by tomorrow, I suspect Roger will send me to your office to see what's with these donations. I assure you, you don't want me to have to come over there. Most of the other managers have turned in their donations, now, so I have more time to nag you about it. Heheh."

"To Betty. Kwitcherbitching! Leave me alone! Just leave me alone! I'm doing the best I can! Don't come, call or write! I never want to see or speak to you again!"

"Roger? I hate to have to tell you this, but Leslie just isn't willing to cooperate on the donations. I don't think she has collected a thing. She is being totally uncooperative, and told me to leave her alone." Big Sigh. "Ok, Betty, I'll take care of it...........Hey, Leslie, this is Roger. How's it going, sweetheart? What? You have? Well, that's great, just great. I knew we could count on you. See you this afternoon."

"Betty? Leslie says she's one her way over here with the donations. See, you got all bent out of shape for nothing! All it took was a friendly nudge. Betty? Betty? Are you out there at your desk?"

When I finally retired, my friends said, "Now, you'll have time to do some volunteer work, won't you?" And, I said, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I WON'T. DO. THAT!"


patsy said...

good, i wouldn't either.

Sister--Three said...

I don't like calls and I don't think I will be a
when i retire. I will do my own thing.

Anonymous said...
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Claude said...

I am with you! I know that a lot of my friends think I'm selfish, but I don't care! I'm enjoying doing ONLY what I like

her indoors said...

i dont volunteer i just get nominated!!!!!!! nah not really i am thinking about it but thats as far as it goes!!!

Kell said...

No more volunteering for me either! Non-vols of the world unite! Wait, we'd have to have a volunteer to run that. Never mind.

Tink said...

I can completely relate! Every time I hear one of our corporate people ask my boss to do something, I just know it's going to be passed down to me five minutes later. So I bust my tail and then HE gets the kudos for it when it's done. *Sigh*

susan said...

Sing it with me "I'm just a girl that cain't say no" Sigh...

MICHAEL said...
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Lorna said...

Been there done that! The place I work at now wants all of its employees to do community service.......on our own time! wtf????????? I have put in my years of volunteering, thank you, and I am ready to retire from it! I think that should be against the law or something anyway, to HIGHLY SUGGEST that you do community service! Muttering under my breath right now about the whole thing! :-) hugsssssssssssssss

gawilli said...

Yep, the proverbial "Sucker" stamp right in the middle of the forehead. I can relate to that.

I like that phrase "What part of NO don't you understand?"

Nancy said...

I haven't volunteered to collect for anybody since October 1962 because of the Cuban Missile crisis not starting a big war.

I had a sister in law who volunteered for nothing!! Said it was against her religion. So, when she told me she had agreed to collect for a charity I was amazed. She then explained to me that the collection was to take place on January 12,1963 and since we were in this giant conflict with Russia over missiles in Cuba and warships were steaming toward each other in the ocean,and the leaders of both countries were bragging about their nucleur capabilities, she didn't think there would be a January 12,1963 so she agreed to collect on that day.
Well, as history tells us, we were eyeball to eyeball and THEY blinked,so the crisis was over and there WAS a January 12, 1963 and I had to help her collect on that day.After that we both swore off collecting forever.

Chancy said...

Betty You have more than earned your rest.


Queen of Dysfunction said...

There is a special place in heaven for women like you. It's called "can you" land...

Just kidding. Hey, at least you are doing something good for others instead of just taking up space. ;)

Cazzie!!! said...

Yep, just like fundraising here, it drives me NUTS!!!