Belly Flop (A Rant)

Just when I have finally come to terms with the fact that I am always going to be fat, the latest political pasttime seems to be embarking on a campaign designed to make me feel even worse than I always have about it. Soon, even gays will be treated better than those of us unfortunate enough to have fought a lifelong battle of the bulge. (Maybe the change of focus will give the gays a little well-earned respite if the conservatives go after the roly-poly. If so, I'm willing to take one for the team - for a while).


If you read the tabloids and watch much news, you have undoubtedly noticed that the worst some people can find to say about celebrities is - "He/She's FAT." As though, that makes them unqualified for any consideration or respect.


I was thin for 45 minutes back in 1962. I wore a size 10 wedding gown. And, thank goodness for that because I would have probably been a spinster for the rest of my life if I had to be squeezed into a much larger size - by today's standards, at least. I wore a size 16 when I was pregnant, and it was almost impossible to find maternity clothes over a size 12. It was as though designers didn't think anyone could love anyone who needed a larger size enough to get her pregnant. Of course, nowadays women just let their big old pregnant tummies hang out, largely uncovered, and then use cute little sayings calling attention to their "baby bumps". Bumps, my Aunt Fannie. It's just gross, and if I walked around with my "fatty bump" hanging out, gross is what they'd call it.


Has anyone noticed that the clothing sizes have changed dramatically since the 60's? Today, a size 10 is considered a large size. In those days, sizes 1 thru about 8 were considered childrens' sizes, i.e. 1-one-year-old, 2-two-year-old, and so on. Of course, there were always "Chubettes", to the everlasting embarrassment of chubby children. Now, size twelve is considered large, and sizes 18-up are only designed by Omar the Tent Maker.


If you are white and want to develop a feel for what minorities go through, just pack on the pounds. You'll find out what discrimination feels like. And, it doesn't feel good.


There have been several prominent television folks, such as Al Roker, who, in desperation, went through gastric bypass surgery. It produced some really outstanding results - for a while. But, I have noticed, lately, that he has put a lot of it back on. Oprah has yo-yoed up and down for years and is ridiculed for each and every pound she gains. And, just look how they ridicule Rosie O'Donnell about her weight when what they really object to is her lifestyle and her politics.


I went to Weight-Watchers for a while and was very successful as long as I was going. But, for some reason, everything seems to work against you when you're dieting. As I became more and more successful, people started saying things designed to make me fail. A couple of people said, "I hope you don't get so skinny that you lose your sense of humor." Like my sense of humor was all in my big old butt. Even my husband got antsy about my weight loss and finally admitted that he was afraid I'd become more attractive to other men, and would leave him. I had heretofore been unaware just how unnatractive I was to all men but him. He even whined to my mother that I wouldn't even have a drink with him before dinner, and she scolded me for it!


And, people will say things like, "Here, have a piece of cake. One piece won't hurt you." And, then they'd get a wounded look on their faces if you promised that you'd love to try their cake - after you reach your goal.


Some of the women at Weight Watchers told some hilarious stories about their struggles, and others were heart-rending. One lady talked about picking up her childrens' abandoned Easter Baskets, and compulsively eating all the jelly beans left therein. Another woman lost a tremendous amount of weight while on the program, until she couldn't stand her family calling her bird-legs any more. Their insentisitivity undermined her resolve, and she stopped going and gave up.

Then, Weight Watchers succumbed to the siren call of corporate greed, and reworked the program so nobody feels deprived, nobody mentions calories, and members can have almost anything they want any time they want it, if they buy Weight Watcher brand products. It's all portion size, now, and if I had the will power to control my portions, I wouldn't need to be on a diet. If there is anything I do NOT need, it's someone telling me the things I already know about being overweight.

If our government is really interested in getting involved in the problem, it can give some consideration to the idea that the reason that Americans are getting fatter and fatter is because the companies that manufacture our foods are putting far too much sugar and salt in canned goods and cereals, in order to preserve them. There are too many growth hormones in the beef, pork and chickens we get at the stores. There is too much emphasis on making everything taste good, so we'll want more than is good for us. And, there are far more people who can't resist than those who can. So-called fresh fruit is fruit that has been picked while it's still underripe and transported in refrigerated trucks until all flavor has been frozen out of it.

Our children don't need teachers telling them about body mass index and sending notes home to their mothers. They need to close the taco lines, pizza lines and hamburger lines in their cafeterias, and get rid of their vending machines. And, they need to reinstitute gym classes where children will get a little exercise during the school day. Children LIKE exercise, so aerobics would be fun for them one period a day. They might actually form the exercise habit that will carry over throughout adulthood.

The last thing we need is the government butting into our lives even more by punishing people for being overweight. We don't need more discrimination in this country - we need less.

Rant over.