Golf Spelled Backward Is Flog

I used to love to play golf. I played two or three times a week at our local country club. I hasten to explain that the club in our small town was the antithesis of a country club in a large city. The clubhouse was a very small building, housing a bar, kitchen, dining room and men's and women's locker rooms. Actually, way back when it was built, it didn't even have the women's locker room, because hardly any women played golf.

Then, one day, or one year, the women said to themselves, and each other, "How come we don't have as much fun out here as our husbands?" When they got around to complaining to their husbands, the men, no fools they, got together and decided to teach their wives to play, and the "Scotch Foursome" was born at the Harrison Country Club. Of course, they modified the rules a bit, so we wives could wrap our little pea brains around the concept, but we didn't know that then.

And, we all got hooked. Then, we noticed that we were banned from the course on weekends. Why was that? Because that's when the MEN play. After this awakening, of sorts, we started lobbying to play on the weekends, too, so they let us play - with our husbands - on Sunday afternoons.

Then came Ladies Day. Tuesdays. But, that didn't deter the men from playing. No. There was one foursome of old geezers who played every single morning, come hell or high water; had for the past forty years, and no bunch of women was going to get in their way. Of course, in the fullness of time - probably about a month - they got really tired of waiting their turn, so they came out later in the day, and finally, the board of directors gave us Tuesdays all for ouselves.

After we got interested in the game, we also took an interest in the tournaments our husbands took part in, and offered to set up refreshment stands at the first and fifth tees. At the time, we only had a nine-hole course. We sold beer and pop, which was greatly appreciated and everyone had a great time. Of course, this activity led to a bit of embarrassment in the fall, when the kids went back to school and the teacher asked all of them what they had done during the summer. My daughter told her teacher that she helped her mom sell beer. That took a while to live down.

We used to have a big Memorial Day Tournament and an even bigger Labor Day Tournament. For such a small country club, we had lots of guys from out of town playing in it, which meant that the ladies had to really get in gear. The club couldn't afford to put on more paid help, so we did everything from arriving at 6:00 a.m. to start cooking breakfast, to tending bar when the regular bartender got covered up, to waiting tables. In addition to selling beer on the course, we measured for "Closest To The Hole" on Number Nine.

It usually rained on at least one day of every tournament, but one year, on Labor Day weekend, it poured and sloshed all weekend long, and the ladies invaded Wal-Mart and bought up every single rain suit they had, then went back and sold them to the men who needed them. Rain never stopped our tournaments, unless there was lightning.

The ladies had tournaments, too. But, I didn't notice the men rushing to sell beer on the course for us, heheh. I didn't enjoy the ladies' tournaments, to tell you the truth. Those bitches cheat! And nitpick! And complain! They'll say, "Didn't you have a seven on that hole?" Then, while you're counting back, they lob a stroke or two off their own scores.

But, nothing ever stays the same, and we noticed more and more people moving into Harrison "from off", and they all joined our little club, and they all found it lacking. Lacking in exclusivity, that is. So, some of the long-time members gracefully faded away and let the newcomers take over and they proceeded to change everything. Now, it's higher dues, cart path fees and food assessments and cart rental as well as rental of cart parking places. It's an 18-hole course, now, and there's a new swimming pool and new tennis courts, just like the big guys. Hardly any of the old crowd ever goes out there, and I suppose that's just what happens over time.

But, I don't think that new bunch has nearly as much fun.