Sunday, April 08, 2007

Golf Spelled Backward Is Flog

I used to love to play golf. I played two or three times a week at our local country club. I hasten to explain that the club in our small town was the antithesis of a country club in a large city. The clubhouse was a very small building, housing a bar, kitchen, dining room and men's and women's locker rooms. Actually, way back when it was built, it didn't even have the women's locker room, because hardly any women played golf.

Then, one day, or one year, the women said to themselves, and each other, "How come we don't have as much fun out here as our husbands?" When they got around to complaining to their husbands, the men, no fools they, got together and decided to teach their wives to play, and the "Scotch Foursome" was born at the Harrison Country Club. Of course, they modified the rules a bit, so we wives could wrap our little pea brains around the concept, but we didn't know that then.

And, we all got hooked. Then, we noticed that we were banned from the course on weekends. Why was that? Because that's when the MEN play. After this awakening, of sorts, we started lobbying to play on the weekends, too, so they let us play - with our husbands - on Sunday afternoons.

Then came Ladies Day. Tuesdays. But, that didn't deter the men from playing. No. There was one foursome of old geezers who played every single morning, come hell or high water; had for the past forty years, and no bunch of women was going to get in their way. Of course, in the fullness of time - probably about a month - they got really tired of waiting their turn, so they came out later in the day, and finally, the board of directors gave us Tuesdays all for ouselves.

After we got interested in the game, we also took an interest in the tournaments our husbands took part in, and offered to set up refreshment stands at the first and fifth tees. At the time, we only had a nine-hole course. We sold beer and pop, which was greatly appreciated and everyone had a great time. Of course, this activity led to a bit of embarrassment in the fall, when the kids went back to school and the teacher asked all of them what they had done during the summer. My daughter told her teacher that she helped her mom sell beer. That took a while to live down.

We used to have a big Memorial Day Tournament and an even bigger Labor Day Tournament. For such a small country club, we had lots of guys from out of town playing in it, which meant that the ladies had to really get in gear. The club couldn't afford to put on more paid help, so we did everything from arriving at 6:00 a.m. to start cooking breakfast, to tending bar when the regular bartender got covered up, to waiting tables. In addition to selling beer on the course, we measured for "Closest To The Hole" on Number Nine.

It usually rained on at least one day of every tournament, but one year, on Labor Day weekend, it poured and sloshed all weekend long, and the ladies invaded Wal-Mart and bought up every single rain suit they had, then went back and sold them to the men who needed them. Rain never stopped our tournaments, unless there was lightning.

The ladies had tournaments, too. But, I didn't notice the men rushing to sell beer on the course for us, heheh. I didn't enjoy the ladies' tournaments, to tell you the truth. Those bitches cheat! And nitpick! And complain! They'll say, "Didn't you have a seven on that hole?" Then, while you're counting back, they lob a stroke or two off their own scores.

But, nothing ever stays the same, and we noticed more and more people moving into Harrison "from off", and they all joined our little club, and they all found it lacking. Lacking in exclusivity, that is. So, some of the long-time members gracefully faded away and let the newcomers take over and they proceeded to change everything. Now, it's higher dues, cart path fees and food assessments and cart rental as well as rental of cart parking places. It's an 18-hole course, now, and there's a new swimming pool and new tennis courts, just like the big guys. Hardly any of the old crowd ever goes out there, and I suppose that's just what happens over time.

But, I don't think that new bunch has nearly as much fun.

15 comments:

Jay said...

Check out my post today. That's just freaking scary. Really, really scary.

susan said...

LOL I thought one of you copied off the other! And YOU posted first...

HoosierGirl5 said...

So you're not a swinger any more either?
You and Jay think way too much alike!

J.

Kell said...

I talked to a lady whose parents went to Scotland to play golf. Her mother's caddy was mortified because he was having to caddy for a woman. He had been a caddy for 30 years!

her indoors said...

sure you two haven't planned this LOL, golf is not something i could enjoy its too slow, could have sold the beers though one for me one for them that kind of selling yeah?!

Annie said...

The story was made all the more fun for the fact that there's more to it, what with Jay's storyline running up against it.

Having little reading moments like this makes visiting family's blogs the absolute best!

Betty said...

Kell: LOL. I'll bet he was mortified.

Everyone: I think I'd better point out something I forgot to say in the blog. My daughter didn't go with me to help sell beer. She stayed with her grandmother or a sitter. I didn't want you all to think I contributed to the delinquency, etc., etc., etc.

Alan G said...

Well, speaking of coincidences...

I just moved my golf clubs from one closet to another closet yesterday while engaging in a little Spring cleaning. Perhaps I will get then out again next year too! LOL

And yes Betty, things keep changing and not necessarily for the better.

Sister--Three said...

I guess it is sort of like
turn around, turn around,
then they were gone.
sis 3

I am going straight to read what Jay had to say about this.

John said...

I used to belong to a small local golf club, but hated all the 'cliques'. When I became a 'senior' I turned up for my first game and greeted another 'old boy' with ... "Hello, I'm John, a new member" ... His reply ? "I can see you are" and he turned his back and walked away. So much for a 'friendly little club'.

Queen of Dysfunction said...

I don't know, I think it would be kind of funny to have your daughter tell her teacher that she helped you sell beer.

...but maybe that's just me.

Peggy said...

I may take it up. There are lots of courses over here that don't have huge green fees and therefore normal working people play.

From what I hear, in the US most courses require you to take a motorized cart. Ick!

Newt said...

Hey, I was a golf beer broad once too! I knew I liked you. And it's a little spooky that you and the "kid" are blogging about the same thing. But then again, Jay and I blogged about the exact same thing once too. Spooky........

Cazzie!!! said...

Sounds like a great time.
My grandad was part of the Masonic Lodge. My nanna used to go along and help out with the food and beverages so she could keep an eye on him I think, LOL. I went with her a few times as a little girl, to help make club sandwiches, they were fun times.
Again, a mens only place to be.

Arkansas Songbird said...

I golf, but not very well. I get so distracted on the course. Birds, trees, flowers.....too many things I find more interesting than golf!