Tuesday, August 01, 2006

New Neighbor(s)

Here we go, again. Someone new is moving into the apartment directly above mine. I only hope he/she is as quiet, and mostly absent, as the previous resident. I have lived in this apartment for over eight years, now, and have had my share, and several other peoples' it seems, of irritating neighbors.

We have a community college in Harrison, so there are lots and lots of 18-year-olds who move away from home for the first time, and rent apartments. Free at last! At first, they are relatively quiet, and then their friends find out about their apartments, and the fun begins. They begin feeling their oats at about the third month.

So, I have seriously thought abut making a list of my requirements of an upstairs neighbor, and presenting it to them when they move in. Something like:

1. No loud music. Adjust the bass on the boom box so that it doesn't make my ceiling fan rattle and bounce.

2. No loud talking and laughing. Laughter may be catching, but not when it sounds like braying or shrieking.

3. No stomping around. I don't care if you ARE late for class or work. It's way too early in the day to have to listen to that.

4. If you have one or more children, teach them to walk across the floor instead of running back and forth from morning 'til night. And, don't let them slide down that iron bannister. I'm the one who hears the splat and the scream first, and I take the stance that it's their own fault and yours if they get hurt. (meanie)

5. No parties - not any. Go somewhere else. You'll just have to clean up afterward, anyway, and who wants that?

6. No inviting all your drunken buddies home with you after you've been out partying until all hours. I can almost guarantee that they will piss off the balcony and/or throw up in the bushes under my bedrrom window.

7. The rules here dictate quiet time between 10:00 p.m. and 7:00 a.m., and I am not above calling the manager at 3:00 a.m. and complaining.

8. No fighting with your husband/significant other/ child/friend, etc. It will usually escalate into throwing things against the wall, and end with one of the parties sobbing uncontrollably, and nobody wants to listen to any of that.

9. No loud sex. No headboards pounding the wall, no loud moaning, giggling, screaming, etc. It might trigger memories that I don't want to call up any more.

10. Be nice. Say hello when we meet out on the sidewalk going to the parking lot. If you get to know me, I'll be a lot more tolerant of your noisy ways than if you scowl and push around me because I'm old and slow.

Note to the Manager: Remember, if the new resident wakes me up, I'll wake you up. Get it? Got it? Good!

3 comments:

F&W said...

Wow, Betty, that is a GREAT list. I may have to borrow it. =)

My favourite part of calling the Manager at 3am is to tell them they'll have to let in the police I also just called 'cause I'm going back to bed. Tee hee.

saz said...

Pray that it's not the hotties from Jay's gym!

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