Tuesday, March 06, 2012

The Purity Pledge Will Never Catch On

In Laurens County, South Carolina, you can't run in the Republican Primary unless you sign a pledge containing 28 principles. Some of those principles appear below:

1. You must never have had pre-marital sex. (What do you have to do to prove it?)

2. From that day on, you will never look at porn again.  (Describe porn.)

3. You must be opposed to abortion. (It's ok if you've had one, but you have to oppose it, now.)

4. You must uphold gun rights. (Take your AK-47 with you.  They'll be convinced.)

5. You must take a compassionate and moral approach to teen pregnancy.  (Explain to the teen in question that she'll never, ever be able to run for office in that county.)

6. You must have a high regard for United States sovereignty.  (Loudly criticize Canada and Mexico.)

7. You must be faithful to your spouse, who cannot be a person of the same sex.  (The committee will be watching you from now on, so it should be easy peasy.)

8. You will not favor any government action that would allow civil unions.  (You'll have to put up with said government action, but you don't have to favor it.)

9. You must have a commitment to peace through strength in foreign policy.  (That'll be easy, once you figure out what it means.)

10. You must endorse the idea of a balanced state and federal balanced budget.  (It's easy to endorse an idea. Ideas are good.)

Candidates will be interviewed by a three-person committee, who will then recommend to the full executive committee whether to allow the candidate to be on the ballot. Lawsie! This is worse than sorority rush at Ole Miss!  I'd give a lot to be a fly on the wall while that three-person committee questions candidates.

I can't imagine there will be a very long line forming outside the committee room, other than a nerdy, horny 25-year-old man and a 73-year-old spinster.

It just gets weirder and weirder.

Stay tuned.

17 comments:

Grayquill said...

You have the most interesting posts. I would say...find a person in that line and there we will find a liar.
Christian's (which I am one) worry way to much about the rules. I believe that "Jesus did not come to make us good but He came to make us His" - Steve Brown
There is freedom in that statement and I think also, real/true religion.
Thanks for another interesting post.

alwaysinthebackrow said...

Who gets to be on that committee of three? That'd be even more interesting than seeing who is in line.
That just verifies the total insanity that is otherwise called the Republican party.

Arkansas Patti said...

The rules are mind blowingly absurd but your comments are priceless. I woke the dog on #5.

Margie's Musings said...

I laughed my head off. There's no way any candidate could make it through those rules. And...They appear to be unconstitutional.

MerCyn said...

What kind of loony bin are we living in? Then I realized the list originated from the approved list of interview questions for Santorum aides. I want to go to sleep and wake up the day after election day.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

Who chooses the committee of three?

Joy Des Jardins said...

All I can do is laugh....laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh. And your comments make me laugh some more. The crazies run amok...and the committee of three are probably right in there with them. Lordy.... ~Joy

Mari Meehan said...

I love it! Wonder if any of the committee would qualify!

Betty said...

Grayquill: You're welcome. You know, those folks give Christianity a bad name.

alwaysinthebackrow: I hope they publish he names of the committee members.

Arkansas Patti: I always try to battle the absurd with more absurdity. You know, kinda like Rush.

Margie: I don't think we'll have to worry about the rules becoming country-wide.

MerCyn: I'll wait until after the election and then decide whether I want to wake up or not.

Kathy's Clothesline: Rick Santorum, maybe? lol

Mari: Fortunately, I don't think things will get that far, especially with the rest of the country laughing at those fools.

School Time said...

I am sure Romney and SantiToreInTo'em
will pass all those...Poor Newt can't make it past even ONE!

Peggy said...

Will the style and modestness of dress be next? Will women have to cover up? Only go out if accompanied by a male member of the family (to protect their purity) Length of beards on men (the length of a clenched fist)? That is what is next . . . as anybody who has suffered under the Taliban will tell you. This list from South Carolina reads JUST like their list.

Betty said...

School Time: I'm not too sure about Santorum, but Romney might be too uptight not to pass the test.

Peggy: I'm about ready to buy a burka.

Darlene said...

Betty, you are a riot. Between Arkansas and Arizona we must have the most idiotic politicians on the planet. Well, maybe Mississippi beats us. It makes my head ache just to think about it.

Betty said...

Darlene: I suspect that South Carolina beats us both when it comes to idiots.

NitWit1 said...

Well I surely would have failed about half of those if I had to sign all that when I ran for alderman 3 terms. My 6 years would have been a big goose egg.

Betty said...

NitWit1: Neither could I. All those "pledges" and the voter ID bills several states are passing are obviously unconstitutional. These people know it, but they are trying to muddy the water. The Justice Department is no doubt looking into all of it. I just hope they can do something about it before the general election.

Yashwant Parmar said...

What the hell. There is something seriously wrong with America...I hear Siberia is nice this time of year...

www.yashpar.blogspot.com