Thursday, July 15, 2010

Dead Veep Walking

PhotobucketI know I can get pretty snarky. And, I can be very sarcastic, sometimes to the point that everybody thinks I'm serious. Usually I'm just going for a cheap laugh. I'm not out to hurt anyone. Honest. But, sometimes I see a story in the paper or on television, and the urge to be ubersnarky just overcomes me. This happened this week and I've fought it. Fought it hard. To no avail. So here goes.

Did you know that former Vice President Dick Cheney is America's latest Million Dollar Man? He went back to the hospital last week, suffering from congestive heart failure, and the doctors pulled out all the stops to keep him going. They implanted a gadget that is usually only used as a stop-gap while the patient is awaiting a heart transplant. Cheney is not a candidate for a heart transplant, so they decided that they would implant the device on a permanent basis - or at least for the next four or five years, at which time, they would have to implant a new one. Sounds desperate, doesn't it?

So, from now on, Cheney won't have a pulse. That's right, no pulse! The device just pushes blood through the left ventricle constantly without letting the heart contract. Spooky, huh? So is he actually alive or not?

Picture this: "Hello? 911? This is Lynn Cheney. Cheney, you know. I've called before. Yes, that's the one. Anyway, I think my husband is having a heart attack. Come quick!"

So, the paramedics arrive, and the paramedic-in-training kneels beside the patient, and after a few moments, says, " I can't get a pulse." The supervisor runs over and starts CPR. After a few more minutes, he says, "Fire up the defibrillator." Zap, zap, zap. Still no pulse. "Well, he's gone. No need to take him to the hospital. Just drop him off at the morgue."

Mrs. Cheney is sobbing hysterically and insisting, "He's alive. You don't understand! He just doesn't have a pulse!"

The paramedics look at each other knowingly, and zip up the body bag and put him on the gurney. "Wives can never face the truth."

Stay tuned.

18 comments:

Tincanman said...

Cheney has a heart? Whodathunkit.

Margie's Musings said...

Right! I thought he was a vampire. He likes to see other men's blood so well.

Linda said...

Love it! I have to say it causes me to think some thoughts about the right to keep people alive that should have died.

If Cheney had died from one of his earlier heart attacks think what our country would have been spared.

Instead, we have a dead man walking, continuing to spread his evil message.

Olga said...

Well, bless his heart. It must be nice and comforting to have such great health insurance.

Judy said...

I feel your pain. I get in trouble all the time because of my humor. So, like you, I tried to be charitable and not say anything bad, but I might have a stroke if I don't say something.....JUST ZIP UP THE BAG NOW!

The 4th Sister said...

OMG...is all I have to say....

patsy said...

I wanted to post about cheney but I all I could think to say is something really nasty so I have refrained so far but you are pushing me dangerously close to the edge.

Sister--Three said...

Well, I thought he had never had a pulse anyway! teehee

Anonymous said...

Cheney actually has a heart...WOW! All that money being spent on someone so vile. Give us the justice we all deserve...zip up the bag. ~Joy

Darlene said...

Guess who is paying for that obscene gadget keeping the vampire alive? The taxpayers, that's who. And Cheney was opposed to national health insurance. Life sucks!

Grayquill said...

That was uber great!!! Mission accomplished - I laughed out loud. That is better than my normal chuckle, just to so you know.

Grayquill said...

@Darlene - I think old Dick is rich enough to pick up his medical tab and us poor taxpayers will not get stuck paying. Now if you have the same insurance he has, that is another story unless of course he has already exceeded his life time insurance limits, which I am sure he did four operations ago.

Grayquill said...

@all other commentors. From your kind expressions I now can see liberals are more highly evolved than those nasty conservatives.
The love....

Betty said...

Tincanman: Apparently he has one. It just doesn't work right. Explains a lot, doesn't it?

Margie: He's the Grinch, too.

Linda: He does make a case for euthanasia, doesn't he?

Olga: Not many people can afford to be kept alive the way he has been.

Judy and Patsy: Just let 'er rip. It'll make you feel better.

The Fourth Sister and Sister Three: Wow! I have three of you commenting on one blog. That's a record of some kind. lol

Anonymous: See my answer to Olga.

Grayquill: Goody! I made you laugh. I'm sure he managed to make the taxpayers pay somehow.

Betty said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Darlene said...

As Veep, Cheney enjoyed Cadillac health care furnished by the government at tax payer expense. Of course with his oil wealth he could certainly continue that level of coverage when he left the White House. I don't know who pays for his health insurance now that he is out of office. but none of us could get that quality of care he enjoys.

Word Tosser said...

health insurance and other bennies are what follows every President and VP. Bush and etc..

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