Friday, July 17, 2009

One Ringy-dingy (Part II)

PhotobucketNow, let's see, where were we? Oh, yes, waiting for a reply from Nokia. By this time, M.E. could tell that this wasn't going to end well. So, she took one last run at Nokia. And, then she called me. "The strangest thing just happened. I called the 1-888 number on the Nokia packaging and got some porn line."

Oh, please. "What do you mean, you got a porn line?" I asked, eyes rolling. She said, "It was a porn line. I won't repeat what was said, but it was really filthy. I thought I had dialed wrong, so I hung up and tried again. I called it four times, and got the same porn line. On the fifth try, I got Nokia's Customer Service and, when I told the girl (she sounded Chinese) about the porn line, she hung up."

"Is Jay there? I want him to dial that number and see if he gets the porn line, too." I was pretty sure Jay didn't want to get involved, but I wrote the number down and said when I saw him I would give it to him.

Then, she went on, " Some other strange things have been happening to my land line." "Strange things?" I asked, warily. This was beginning to take an ugly turn. Was I never going to escape her telephone traumas?

She went on, "Every now and then, I hear a voice coming from my phone. I can never understand what it's saying, but afterward, all of my digital clocks start flashing 12:00. What do you think is happening?"

I tell myself that I can surely be forgiven for what I said next, considering my patience in listening to all the gory details of her epic battles with Nokia. At any rate, I said, "Well, you might be having a visit from outer space. They might be hovering over your house, messing up your phone and other electronic devices." After a long pause she said, in a tiny voice, "Do you think so?"

"No", I said. "What I really think is you shouldn't have called for the assassination of George W. Bush so many times during the last eight years. You did that every time you called me, and I warned you that you'd end up on some CIA list, along with a bunch of swarthy subversives who all speak Arabic." And, she laughed.

Now, here's what's weird about that exchange. Apparently, she thought the idea of being bugged by the CIA was absurd, but she was all too ready to believe the theory of little green men hovering over house in a space ship.

About that time, an unsuspecting Jay came in and I said, "Here's Jay, now." and handed him the phone before I cracked up completely. When he found out who was on the other end of the line, he shot me a very unpleasant gesture. I'll have to speak to him about that.

Anyway, he listened as she launched into her tale about the voice in the phone and then he said, "It could be aliens, all right. If you like, I can make you a very stylish tin foil hat to block them with." By this time, we were practically rolling on the floor. So, I hollered, "Tell him about the porn line." And, that got her going again.

" When he was able, Jay said, "You called the number four times?!?" And, then he lost it completely. When he calmed down a bit, he said he'd check into it. Then, he relented and told her that he thought the voice in her phone was the result of a tiny power surge strong enough to affect her digital clocks but not strong enough to knock out her electricity. She accepted that explanation and they rang off.

In a few minutes, I asked Jay, "Are you going to call the porn number?" He snorted and said, "I am not." Conversation over.

So, I called it. And, got Nokia Customer Service.

Darn.

22 comments:

Snowbrush said...

"In a few minutes, I asked Jay, "Are you going to call the porn number?" He snorted and said, "I am not." Conversation over."

Ah, but did he call the porn line later? That would be just like a man--or so I've heard, not that I myself personally would do such a thing.

Snowbrush said...

P.S. Betty, check this out:

http://lifeinthesecondhalf.blogspot.com/

Snowbrush said...

Oops, I meant that link for Patsy since she's the chicken lady, but you might enjoy it too.

kenju said...

THAT was hilarious!!!

Betty said...

Snowbrush: I don't think he'd admit it if he did call that number. lol

kenju: Glad you got a chuckle out of it.

Kay Dennison said...

One question: Where the hell are Scully and Mulder when we need them?

Grannymar said...

I am still laughing! I have a relation who calls me with problems like that.

MarmiteToasty said...

To dam funny.....

x

PetalsYoga said...

No fair... you had me laughing so hard I nearly peed in my pants!

Love your blog!

Dianne said...

this just killed me!

reminds me of talking to my aunt, except she loves Bush and believes Obama is really from "Manilla" - she means Kenya but somehow thinks Manilla is Kenya because of the fight years ago - 'Thrilla in Manilla'

this is how her mind works

maybe we should have them call each other?

Ima Wizer said...

ha, ha....I know what you mean. Great post!

Jay said...

For the record, I did NOT call that porn number. We all know that all the porn anyone ever needs is available online and for free. ;-)

Grayquill said...

When this soap opera started I was feeling so sorry for you. Now I realize this is like getting an extra cable channel for free. I think you are loving the wirdness the entertanment. But, if i were you I would be sure to pull my blinds at night.

margarethall said...

Oh, stop it! I am cracking up over this! I am seeing this M.E. looking to the "skies" now! Ohhh, this was a great wake up read this mornin'~! Thanks, Betty, for makin' the trip to your blog FUN and FUNNY~!

Tincanman said...

I laughed till I had tears. Wonderfully entertaining story with strong writing. Thank you.

And...good luck with that X-Files Nokiaporn lady and her little green friends.

:-)

Looking to the Stars said...

Loved the post, laughed till I cried :)

Arkansas Patti said...

Too funny post.Bless her heart, probably ought to bless yours and Jays too.

The 4th Sister said...

oh my you wrote this Friday and I did nit see it till today...what a laugh....give me the porn number...

Deanna said...

OMG how did I miss these posts! I am laughing so hard. Jay is a saint, isn't he. Thank you for my laugh of the day.

MA Fat Woman said...

M.E. sounds like my next door neighbor, maybe they're related somehow.

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Snowbrush said...

That's what I like about Anonymous--he always addresses the subject at hand with clarity and profundity.