Another Day, Another Chore

If I could do only what I want to do, I would be a very happy woman. Alas, I am not that fortunate. Just when I think I have a few chore-free days stretching before me, I discover something that just won't wait.

Going to the Revenue Office to renew license tags is right up there with the doctor's office on the list of places I don't want to go, even on a good day. Modern technology being what it is, I can usually avoid the Revenue Office except every four years, when I have to renew my driver's license, and then, I have to find my glasses so I'll pass the vision test. Why I never wear the things any other time is another story for another blog. Suffice it to say that I get dizzy and nauseated when I wear them and try to walk. They also insist on taking my picture, which is more depressing each time. Last time, I was startled to look at my new driver's license photo and see my mother smiling back at me. I was horrified.

Anyhoo, this year, the gubbmint is making things difficult for me by insisting that I have to appear in person at the local Revenue Office because they want to give me a shiny, new license plate. Another number to memorize! It has only been five years. I haven't had time to memorize the one that's on my car now. Also, I have to register a newly acquired vehicle. Not a new vehicle, you understand, just newly acquired. This will create untold problems, according to Jay, who tends to believe that he walks around with a thundercloud hovering over his head at all times.

Admittedly, it is much easier to go to the Revenue Office these days than it used to be. I don't know how it is in other states, but ours is very political. The person who runs the office always gets the job by being appointed. It is a much sought-after job, because if you play your cards right, you can keep it indefinitely, especially in a state full of people who tend to keep the same party in office most of the time. In the case of Arkansas, that party is the Democrats. I can only remember three Republican Governors in my lifetime. So, there are long stretches of time with a Democrat in that office.

Many years ago, our local Revenue Office was ruled by the iron hand of a lady known and loathed by one and all as "Wanda the Witch". She viewed her office as her own little kingdom, and a friend of mine swears to this day, that Wanda forgot herself once, and hollered "Off with his head!" at a hapless man who had neglected to bring one of the necessary documents with him.

We always wondered what she had on someone high up in state government, because although we kept the mails hot with complaints about her on a daily basis, she never received so much as a slap on the wrist.

Wanda never hurried. Invariably, she ran out of day before she ran out of customers. This was due, in large part, to her insistence that all of her clerks took their breaks together. You might be in the middle of a transaction and look up to see your clerk disappearing through the door to the breakroom. Ten or fifteen minutes later, she would return and pick up where she left off. Then, at noon, everyone of them disappeared into the same back room for lunch, and customers just had to sit there for an hour or more until they all came back.

One day, they got so backed up that Wanda commanded all forty or fifty customers, me included, to line up around the perimeter of the room, and she went from one to the other of us, looking at our documents and either accepting or rejecting us as she saw fit. She thought this would save time. She thought wrong.

What a relief it was when she finally retired, and a whole new crew took over. With that, and the advent of the state computer network, things have really picked up. Nowadays, there is only a twenty or thirty minute wait to find out that 1) the computer is down 2) your name can't be found 3) the camera isn't working 4) all of the above.

And, I get to do this tomorrow. Lucky me.