Dead Veep Walking

I know I can get pretty snarky. And, I can be very sarcastic, sometimes to the point that everybody thinks I'm serious. Usually I'm just going for a cheap laugh. I'm not out to hurt anyone. Honest. But, sometimes I see a story in the paper or on television, and the urge to be ubersnarky just overcomes me. This happened this week and I've fought it. Fought it hard. To no avail. So here goes.

Did you know that former Vice President Dick Cheney is America's latest Million Dollar Man? He went back to the hospital last week, suffering from congestive heart failure, and the doctors pulled out all the stops to keep him going. They implanted a gadget that is usually only used as a stop-gap while the patient is awaiting a heart transplant. Cheney is not a candidate for a heart transplant, so they decided that they would implant the device on a permanent basis - or at least for the next four or five years, at which time, they would have to implant a new one. Sounds desperate, doesn't it?

So, from now on, Cheney won't have a pulse. That's right, no pulse! The device just pushes blood through the left ventricle constantly without letting the heart contract. Spooky, huh? So is he actually alive or not?

Picture this: "Hello? 911? This is Lynn Cheney. Cheney, you know. I've called before. Yes, that's the one. Anyway, I think my husband is having a heart attack. Come quick!"

So, the paramedics arrive, and the paramedic-in-training kneels beside the patient, and after a few moments, says, " I can't get a pulse." The supervisor runs over and starts CPR. After a few more minutes, he says, "Fire up the defibrillator." Zap, zap, zap. Still no pulse. "Well, he's gone. No need to take him to the hospital. Just drop him off at the morgue."

Mrs. Cheney is sobbing hysterically and insisting, "He's alive. You don't understand! He just doesn't have a pulse!"

The paramedics look at each other knowingly, and zip up the body bag and put him on the gurney. "Wives can never face the truth."

Stay tuned.

A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood

A few observations on a great day.

From the day you swaggered into town

In your cowboy boots and Supreme Court crown

You never admitted to being selected

Instead of, like others, duly elected.

Georgie Porgie puddin' 'n pie

Everybody wave good-bye

We're not so sorry to have to say

We won't miss you now you've gone away.

And, as the helicopter lifted off, the crowd sang that old song by Steam, "Na-na-na-na, hey, hey. hey, good-bye!"

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Chris Wallace, Fox News: "I'm wondering if he's really the president, after flubbing the oath of office. This could end up in the courts."

Note to Chris: Don't look now, but your ignorance is showing.

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Sen. John Cornyn (R. Texas) put a hold on the confirmation vote for Secretary of State, thus forcing a voice vote tomorrow. He's a big buddy of W's, and he wants to vote "no" for Hillary, for all the good it will do him.

Sen. Cornyn: Don't look now, but your malice is showing.

This is the same Senator Cornyn who voted no on gay marriage, stating, "If you allow gay marriage, next, somebody will want to marry a box turtle. (This may not be the exact quote, but it's close enough.)

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Even in a wheelchair, Dick Cheney still looked like Dr. Evil.

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Ted Kennedy had a seizure during the luncheon. But, he's ok. He has to be ok. I'm not sure we could have a good health care bill without him.

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The inauguration of Barack Obama. I loved every minute of it!