It's All About Me

I've always been thought of as shy, although I've never thought of myself that way.  Eventually, I started telling people I was shy because it was easier to agree than to try to label myself as anything else.  Actually, I'm   simply an introvert.  The Geezer Sisters,wrote about a book that I fully intend to read one day, called "The Introvert's Way: Living a Quiet Life In A Noisy World," by Sophia Dembling.  Sounds as though she's got my number.

My friends tend to call me Agoraphobic, which is a panic disorder with a fear of going into unfamiliar places.  I have suffered panic attacks, but they don't really have much to do with where I go or don't go or how many people are there.  I'm not afraid of crowds or going out of the house.  I just don't particularly want to go anywhere. I may dread getting out of the house, but that has more to do with not wanting to go to the trouble of getting dressed and putting on makeup, only to go out for an hour or so and knowing I'm going to be bored out of my skull when I get there, when I'd much rather be reading a book or playing on my computer or watching TV or a movie.

 I don't mind large gatherings, once I get there, because I like to people watch, but I'm not much for chit-chat. But, if I get cornered by another guest who wants to tell me her troubles with her children, her boyfriend, husband or both, I soon start yawning and looking for the door and, failing that, the nearest bathroom. 

All my life I've heard people calling me "shy" or "stand-offish" or even "snobbish" and probably a lot more not so flattering labels. Not true, for the most part. It is true that I don't particularly like people in general, especially if they are stupid. I am not very good at "chit-chat," I'll admit. I don't feel the need to babble on and on just to fill a gap in the conversation. I'm quite happy to be lost in my own thoughts, when no one else is talking, and have been known to drift  when others are talking about things that don't interest me, but my glazed look always gives me away, so I try not to do that, because I am nothing if not polite.

I'm no good as a team player, either, tending to take the bull by he horns and try to solve the problem even before the "team" gets around to discussing the subject at hand.  There are usually certain niceties that must be observed before any meeting can get started.  I find those boring. Get on with it, already! 

I'll freely admit that I don't like other people's children, unless they are well-behaved, something that is hard to find these days. I liked, and still like my own children, however, and a few belonging to my friends.  I do enjoy watching little children interact with each other.  They try so hard to understand the world and explain it to each other.

I don't like it when people drop in unannounced.  That is because I never think my house is neat enough.  I like to have time to at least scrape the top layer of dust off my furniture and neaten the nest I always build around my chair, or chairs.  There always seem to be a dish or two that I haven't gotten around to putting into the dishwasher, and I'm never very confident that the bathroom is up to snuff. I usually relax, though, and enjoy the visit.

I do like most of my friends and usually enjoy being around them occasionally, although I don't much enjoy shopping with them because I usually end up having to wait while they browse. 

I may be a curmudgeon, but I'm not shy.

Stay tuned.