Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Go Wet Or Stay Dry

PhotobucketI had decided that I wasn't going to bother signing the petition to get the wet/dry issue on the ballot in November. I have lived in this county for Forty years and signed every single petition every single time one was presented to me. Nothing has ever come of it. Some years, it actually got on the ballot, but mostly it failed to get enough legitimate signatures, or so the election commission said.

So, this year, I decided to give up the ghost. If I want a glass of wine with dinner, I have only to drive twenty or thirty minutes in any direction, and just across the county line there will be a liquor store with owners eager to take my money and add to their county's coffers.

However, this evening, I got a phone call from a gentleman offering to bring the petition right to my door so I could sign it. Well, who could turn that offer down? I have never had anyone bring a petition to me. All they ever do is announce that there are petitions being circulated and then they leave it up to me to find one.

He said he'd be here before 8 O'clock. Uh-oh. NCIS will still be on, I thought. But, nobody is ever on time, so I relaxed and enjoyed the show. As I thought, he didn't arrive until about 8:15. I intended to sign the petition while he stood outside on the welcome mat, but it was a bit cumbersome and he wanted to explain it to make sure I understood how I was to sign it. So, in her came and I signed it and, after a few minutes of chit-chat during which he told me that I kept a nice house and complained about his own apartment, he finally left.

At one point, he explained that the county needed to be wet so he wouldn't have to drive for 30 minutes with a beer between his legs so he could cool off on his way home. I kept looking at him and thinking that he reminded me of someone. It finally came to me - he reminded me of Foster Brooks.

It was at that moment I realized that he was hammered. Oh, yes he was.

Stay tuned.


NitWit1 said...

Oh I will be following this issue with great interest. My AR county went "wet" after about 30 years of being "dry" and now there is a petition to revoke it again.

I refuse to sign any petitions but those seeking office, and then I don't promise to vote for them.

It seems monthly there is some disgruntled group circulating a piece of paper for some cause, stray dogs to potholes. It gets tiring. But it is a civilized expression of citizens, better than riots.

Kell said...

Even if he wasn't hammered, the irony of him looking like Foster Brooks is priceless.

Arkansas Patti said...

This is my first experience in a "dry" county. I don't drink but if I did, it wouldn't take long to get to a "wet" county.
Your FB dude proves however that "dry" doesn't keep the serious drunks off the road, in fact, it probably adds 30 more minutes to his drunk road time.
However, it is rare here to see the words "alcohol related" used to desctibe auto accidents. Does dry work? Don't know but hope we stay dry.

Darlene said...

I didn't know that there were still dry counties in the U. S. You must live in the Bible Belt.

When we first moved to AZ you couldn't buy alcohol on Sunday (Don't they call those Blue Laws?). It made my husband furious when he wanted to buy a 6 pack to take on our picnic.

If someone wants booze they will find it. How long will it take for the prohibitionists to learn that?

Betty said...

NitWit1: This is the only petition I have ever signed.

Arkansas Patti: Dry doesn't work. This is the wettest dry county I have ever seen.

Kell: I'm glad he didn't sound like him, too.

Darlene:Oh, yes, I live in the Bible Belt BUCKLE!